(why) ihategames

I don't understand games. I just don't get why they are fun.
Here's my reasoning behind why:
I don't like games. I don't like competition, and I don't like to do things I am not good at.
I'm bad at games because I never play them, and I have never practiced.
I never play games because I don't like them.
Vicious cycle? 

I think it all started when, as a child, I decided to hate sports and math.
This rules out almost every game imaginable. My disliking of games mostly includes organized sports, (which i made a conscious effort to steer away from, resulting in a general lack understanding of the rules, skill, or team spirit), but extends to most card games (too many rules or math), beer pong, and monopoly or risk (too much math, too much competition),  but especially those things people pretend are fun for parties: lawn games.

The number of  (to me) stupid games people dream up to play when they're supposed to be having fun is astonishing. There's ladderball, horseshoes, croquet, mini golf, bocce, skee ball, carpet ball, tetherball, cornhole, badminton, volleyball, dodgeball and frisbee golf.

I was at a party and one of the hosts ran over to me, all excited, and said, "Hey, we're going to play DODGEBALL!" like it would be the most fun ever.  I vaguely remember playing dodgeball in gym, and of course there's that movie of the same name. At that point I shook my head and ran away, overcome by a sense of horror. So while everyone else got to get hit in the face, I sat on the grass and watched. Maybe I could see why it was fun? First the players choose their teams. Then they place the balls in the middle of the field, yell "one, two, three, Dodgeball!" and everyone runs forward, with the people in the front tackling each other or diving for possession of the balls. Once the balls are in hand, they take turns trying to hurl the balls at each other to get the other team out, with the downside that the ball can be caught and thrown back.
No, I still don't understand. Games like that are one thing guaranteed to make me feel completely alien, like another species, or perhaps I have a different kind of rewards system.

There are some games that I like. I like a few board games, if I am playing with people who don't tend to blow up in each others' faces, or spend hours at it. Select videogames can qualify, like Soul Calibur or Left for Dead, and Goldeneye (but I generally prefer games that are played alone). Bowling, because sometimes I find it fun and I am great at wii bowling, and Pool is an exception to the rule because, while I am terrible at it, I think it's cool. Two games I do think are fun, although I have only played each once, are: Man Hunt and Capture the Flag. From what I remember, these seem to be the perfect game.