"

loving you was just a waste of time

on grungy gray sundays

when the pavement runs

and all my eyelashes kiss

is mist.

crumpled

if i lie still
i almost can't feel anything
at all

My toes become part of the bedspread
my knees the sheets
my thighs are pillows
my head a cotton comforter

If i lie still
and listen to the mattress breathing
I almost can't feel anything.

I almost can't feel foolish - I believed in change.

today

today is an orange sunday,
aluminum on the wind
a silent morning
i feel safe.

Isn't there anyone in the world who's willing
to listen to me,
even when I don't want anyone
to hear how broken I am?

today the first graders told me that they were proud of me.

Good Day

i had a good day
today.
the sun shone and I was alive:
I breathed, and wrote, and walked and spoke
I left my hermit home.

but it's pathetic
how dependent my life is on you.
YOU YOU YOU. You wily hook. You desperate sparkle
in the watery iris of the world.

Pathology, mythology of the mind:
Here I am - feeling nauseous
strung up like a gutted fish
and flapping on my pole.

So betrayed at the thought
you went to sleep without me.
you don't need me
to be your friend - anymore -

Do you ever think of me
so strongly
It could cut like a Subtle Knife through my loneliness?
I think not.

so I'll go to sleep, floundering
disgusted
a good day
should end like this.

Soon I'll have another friend
my shiny bait, my blessed goal--
Soon I'll forget
the times I felt so tired of good days.

every time I'm happy
the rebound is so empty

Perhaps I'd rather
feel nothing at all.

I love you because I'm only human.
I want to hold you so tightly,
the tears in my eyes free themselves --
A sinking feeling in my stomach says
I think this is about to change.

poem by dad

SNOW HANGS LIKE WILD HONEYCOMB
FROM THE EAVES,
ICY FINGERS,
POLISHED NAILS.