to easy disappointment

it is too easy to wake
too easy to stay asleep
although the light is in my eyes
my shoulders are in darkness.
i listen to the whispers in my skull
that tell me
"You were always right."
And laugh at the thought
that he wouldn't disappoint.


I toss and turn and mumble--
not ready to work,
not ready to rest--
I whisper over the sheets:
It is all too easy to be disappointed
and that is my failure.

too easy to see
the cracks upon which i step
the softness of rot
in the almost-perfect peach
the heaviness of the sky
when all i wanted was blue.

too easy to be off tune
with my soft chant that says
"I am too alone,
or too surrounded
too idealistic
or too grounded

it's all too simple or too complex
too much abstinence
or too much sex
too much sugar, too much caffeine
too many hopes, too many dreams.

Too much failure or too much success
too many questions on where to go next..."

Writing this is all too easy
and disappointment
smiles,
wrapping me
in ashen kisses.